a few things james has learnt in recent weeks

mounting photographs on the wall only leads to questions over where his graduation photo is, and stories about him being bitten on the ass by a wasp.

emu's have the biggest eyes in the world.

if you have jeans with buttons for flies make sure you check whether your pants have holes in the crotch before venturing out in public.

off licences dont stock babycham anymore.

you can get little fishing rods to stick on the end of your kayak.

YMCA was number one in Switzerland for two months in 1979.

James did NOT get so drunk at college he was taken away in a wheelchair. which was a relief.

pitch and putt

last week i played pitch and putt. my cousin Alex did the unimaginable and seemingly impossible and actually hit someone with the ball. it was awful. i should of shouted but just stood there and watched this ball soar through the air and hit this man painfully on the leg. an inch to the side and he would have been knocked unconscious. i did the honourable thing and walked away so they wouldnt think it was me, and could see him limping around for the next hour using his golf club as a walking stick.

Grand National

After the horse I picked for the grand national lead for ages and then fell near the end I am now certain i can see into the future. Last year I also picked out the horse that got mentioned most on tv. He was the first horse down at the first hurdle, got up riderless and lead the race before falling at the last hurdle. Obviously my special powers need fine tuning, but I am convinced next year i will pick the winner.

what I haven't done.

I can never remember what I've done recently, but i can tell you what I haven't done. I haven't been sky diving; I haven't painted myself blue; I haven't saved a seagull with a broken wing; and I haven't been beaten up by a seven year old. I am thinking I should be more adventurous.

Something I did do today is go to Paignton. Not something I do that often but I did manage to buy some really cheap bluetack so I guess it was kind of worth it. I also freaked out when a spider fell on my head. To add to the excitement just a few minutes ago I drank a can of John Smiths and threw 'my' Jedi cat some more cat biscuits. Later I will watch The Wire which I am liking very much and which is actually as good as the critics say though its probably too clever for you so I won't bother recomending it.